The Rest of the Story

This weekend is Rev 3 Cedar Point, I have been reflecting on the events leading up to the race and the life changing finish last year. I figured it was time to tell the rest of the story. Everything that has been said or written about my Cedar Point race is true but only a few people really know what happened out there on the course that night in the darkness.

Each of us train and race for a different reason; fitness, a challenge, something new or so we can buy new toys. My reason for racing CP last year was none of those; it was because my therapist told me to still race it. The year leading up to CP was the hardest and darkest year of my life. It was even harder than my cancer. With cancer the Doctors can tell you what you have, what needs to be done, treatment, recovery and off you go. I had been diagnosed with Major Depression and all I wanted to do was die. I never knew what was happening until I hit rock bottom. I won't go into all the details that led me to that point but I was there at the bottom as I call the darkest period, the cave. I was a Senior Leader in the Enlisted force of the Air Force, how can this happen to me, well depression does not care your job title, your rank or position. I was the one looking out for my troops but had not been looking out for myself. As I said up until CP all I wanted to do was die, I thought about, contemplated it, how to do it without screwing it up. But during that time every day there was this four legged silver guardian angel that never left my side, Kiwi would stand and look me dead in my eyes like a real person. But I knew any one of my friends would take awesome care of her.

(As I am, writing this Kiwi just came over and liked my ear)

Fast forward to CP race. I went to the race; it was nice to see people but could not really care about the race too much. During the swim my goggles filled up with water, struggled but did not drown, dang it. Then on the bike if I had crashed or got hit it did not matter, you get the point, my frame of mind was still not healthy. When I was out on the run/walk, for those that know the course, the part where you are on a path in a park, I stopped running and just stood there. It hit me this is the race that almost did not happen, because I was supposed to be dead. I stood there thinking about Coach Ed and the Rev 3 staff telling me if you want to finish we will be here. Team Z members who had raced that day were out there providing me support so the volunteers could go home. It was in that moment in the dark that the switch flipped, I wanted to live again. Something as simple as a race, where people were showing me that they cared through their support made the biggest difference in my life. It was not pills, therapy, and an outpatient program that made it happen it was Team Z and the Rev 3 staff. I was going to finish even if all the lights were turned off and it was just Coach Ed and maybe someone from Rev 3, I was going to finish because I wanted to live again.

The second loop was pretty quiet since there was no one else still racing, at least not where I was at. On a section where it was dark a white van pulled up and some people jumped out. I thought OH NO; now that I want to live I will be mugged! It was several members of the Rev 3 staff, whew. These were people that I did not know, did not know me but came out in the course to check on me and see how I was doing. You see that is what Rev 3 is all about, the racer the person; they truly are an exceptional group of people that I now also call my family just like Team Z. We all know about the celebration at the finish, while everyone was celebrating that I finished, inside I was also celebrating my return it life, wanting to live again.

Why share the rest of the story now?  I wanted Rev 3 and Team Z to know how you affected my life. You might not always see it but you make a huge difference in people’s live, never lose sight of that.  As I have said before you never know what is around the corner, so never stop, never ever give up. There just might be fireworks, music, screaming, hugs, and laughs waiting for you around that corner. Whether you were there or cheering from afar you made a huge difference in my life and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.